Communication—one of our favorite pastimes—can bring a boatload of problems along with it. Do it wrong and you can end up demoted, divorced, despised, or dead. Like any other life skill, it can be learned, and endlessly improved on. Here is a starter list of suggestions. Feel free to add your own.
Know what is important to communicate.
Know when to stop, to avoid overload.
Make eye contact often enough to be sure the other person is still on the same page, but don’t stare.
Ask sympathetic questions—and listen to the answers. Then say something that shows you have heard.
Weed out any nervous habits that might distract the other person from listening.
Be confident, but not too aggressive.
Smile sometimes, but don’t overdo it.
Recognize the things that are useful information. Simple statements like ‘The car needs gas’ or ‘The Smiths are coming to dinner’ may seem trivial, but people appreciate being told.
Remember to speak up, especially if the listener is hard of hearing.
Think ahead, to avoid pitfalls.
Seek the other person’s level. Don’t talk down; don’t talk up. Use appropriate diction.
When possible, touch. (Except in the age of Coronavirus.)
Don’t be afraid to leave spaces.
Only say the words that express your idea; avoid um, uh, er, or the maddening you know.
The word I can sound self-centered if overused, and the word you can come across as a form of attack. Just be sensitive here.
Edit. Don’t use seven words if four will do.
If writing, make your letters legible.
If you have a question, stop first and formulate it so the other person will be able to answer.
NEVER call names, or put words in the other person’s mouth. The plan should be to communicate, not to hurt.
In fact, keep in mind at all times that your real objective is to communicate. If one way doesn’t work, try another. Keep your cool and have faith.
And good luck! But it is never about luck.