Let”s say you’re on the verge of having something wonderful drop into your lap. And let’s say you are momentarily over the moon with joy and expectation. And then, let’s say you suddenly feel something creeping up behind you like a cold fog bank, and you find yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve this.”
Has this ever happened to you? It has to me, often—or at least it used to, before I wised up. The feeling that I didn’t deserve anything good was exactly that—a feeling. There was no truth in it, whatever. It was a habit, and when I asked myself why I would have such a habit, I came up with plenty of people and events from my past that I could blame. So will you, if you ask yourself why. ‘Why’ tends to lead us backward, and honestly the only acceptable direction to go is forward. The past cannot be changed.
Luck, like rain, falls where it will. People who seem lucky are almost always people who accept their luck instead of fearing that they don’t deserve it. The lone survivor of an airplane crash may feel blessed and thank God; she may think back and decide it was because of a prayer she said or a good turn she did. Rest assured, however, that God would not choose to kill everyone else on the plane and only save this one person; most of the other passengers had also said good prayers and done good turns. I’m quite sure there was no deservingness involved. I just hope this lone survivor didn’t go into a slump of despair and say, “I don’t deserve this.”
If we’re not supposed to ask “Why this guilt?” then what’s another question? How about, “So what am I going to do about it?” You don’t want the feeling of being undeserving; you’re sick and tired of it. It’s a morbidly self-effacing form of false humility, and it sucks.
Try switching the words around! Instead of, “Do I deserve to live in a house like this?” ask, “Does this house deserve me?” Or, “Does this car deserve me?” “Does this date deserve me?” “Does this mountain lake deserve me?” You can see that in this manner you give yourself credit for being a great and wonderful person who expects good things. You won’t sell yourself short. Anything you set your desire on should be as good as you are—and it’s surprising how many things simply aren’t, when you think that way.
Of course, there are caveats, and here are some. 1) Although you are a good person—and trust me, you are—you may be doing bad things. Maybe very bad things. You know what they are, so stop doing them. 2) People who have absolutely no use or appreciation for something probably don’t deserve it. Someone who scorns art may not deserve to inherit a Monet original. I don’t deserve a season pass to the Seahawks—unless I decide to develop a sudden passion for football, which is possible. 2) The absolute knowledge that you are a good person is not something you get in people’s face about. It’s a quiet matter between you and your own soul. If someone doesn’t recognize your worth, that’s their loss. Don’t try to insist that they do.
If asking whether a good thing deserves you seems far-fetched, then do this: When the question, “Do I deserve this?” crops up, say yes. Say, “Yep.” If it makes you feel stronger, say, “Damn right I do.” And then don’t argue about it, not for a single minute. Your job at this point is to make sure you and the luck are the same size and work well together.