Hint: This is not detachment.
So, there you are in the midst of conflict—in this case, that you’ve found out that some people have been unfairly trashing you behind your back. And that has hurt you—not only your feelings but maybe even your actual prospects. And you have gone into your room (did you slam the door?) and said, into the Universe, “I don’t give a flying fuck.”
Now you are at a crossroads. You can either go on saying you don’t give a fuck, which is like picking at a wound to make sure it can’t heal, or you can take yourself at your word and truly not give any more fucks about it. Obviously, this is the better choice. Except, you probably can’t do it. You probably even feel like strengthening the declaration with something definitive, like for instance chugging half a bottle of whiskey, or jumping down a well. You can’t leave yourself dangling there, in the echo of “I don’t give a fuck.” You’re now giving away so many fucks you should consider charging for them.
Here’s why: Your inner Self is very smart and knows you intimately—can number the hairs on your head. And won’t be fooled or lied to. At this point, you really had better start the process of detachment. This means you can’t gloss over some very basic details of the scenario: There really is calumny about you. You really do feel pain. You really do have to deal with the mess or you will lose your job. You really are madder than hell. Someone really does have it in for you.
If you have a hopeless tangle of string, you do not grab a free end and just start pulling. The knot will only get tighter. So, you draw back a bit—or, better, you climb up a little higher. From this perspective, you examine the knot dispassionately until you see a place where you can start picking into it. You’re no longer saying you don’t give a fuck, because you do. You need to untie the knot. Your level of desire is not furious, or desperate; it is calm, level-headed, and distant. You can see more and more clearly what’s going on inside the knot, and you don’t take it personally; a knot is just a knot. Furthermore—here’s the important thing—you know you will ultimately succeed in untangling the knot, so you don’t need to waste any of your precious life energy on anxiety. You will draw back, assess the situation clearly, take the time you need, and start gently on the first appropriate loop of string.
How will this work out? That’s the next blog.